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But getting too far into the nitty gritty of ensuring everything is equal can actually cause more trouble than it’s worth. “It’s like saying, ‘I’m willing to accept some disappointment and pain as long as the person I love most in this world suffers, too,'” she says.“Whether it’s the emotional work of a relationship or those awful chores, no couple can split them fairly,” Newbold says. People in love give generously, not because they’re told to, but because it feels good. Instead, you should be looking for “third alternatives.” “That’s when you each let go of your first idea and look together for a third option that makes both of you at least as happy as your first one made you,” she says.“I have worked with many couples that made forgiving each other way more difficult than it already is because of the forgetting clause in the statement.
You will be giving yourself many more opportunities with people you otherwise might have missed out on.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move will often leave you just, well, waiting.
“Don’t ever go into a long-term relationship, especially marriage, thinking you are going to change them,” Hunt advises.
“While relationships grow and evolve, there are some personality traits and ways that will never change.” Forgiving and forgetting do not have to go hand in hand.
“Some of the brightest high-intensity sparks happen with people with personality disorders who can later be harmful to us.
Strong chemistry isn’t always a warning sign, but it’s a signal to take your time and proceed with caution.” The idea that everyone has one person that is meant for them is surely romantic—but in the end, that idea may cause more problems than anything else.
In fact, it’s best to separate the two, according to Monte Drenner, a licensed mental health counselor in Florida.