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Posted by / 07-Feb-2020 23:26

Skype sex

(Photo by Tabatha Fireman/Getty Images for BASE Holograms) So the Stepford Winehouse tour is postponed?

That's probably for the best, reckons columnist Mark Beaumont Hologram gigs are very much like Skype sex. I’ve no experience of either, but I’m a columnist, so it’s my job to pretend I know about this sort of thing.

And to feel, with however much self-delusion it takes to get you off, that this is revealing and open-hearted quality time with your hero, rather than just the same rehearsed-to-the-point-of-tedium first-date seduction routine they lay on all the territories.

So when news emerged this week that Amy Winehouse’s hologram tour has been postponed while its creators work on “unique challenges and sensitivities” and “a concert spectacle which requires creative engineering”, it came with the same sort of relief of hearing that had run into funding issues.

It’ll always feel a pixel or two off, triggering that subliminal human intuition for fakery that you get from a Shakespeare sonnet written by the world’s smartest computer, or an Oasis lyric recited by a Tickle-Me Elmo. Let’s face it, a slick, rebootable hologram Amy tour would feel doubly fake.It could never recreate the unpredictability and tension of a true Winehouse appearance.And you finish with a nagging sense of shallow half-fulfilment, wishing the other person had actually been in the room. ” of live music – and possibly Skype sex, I’ve no idea – a lot of the thrill of a major gig is being in the presence of an idol.Because, for all the grunting, hip-swivelling, egotistical posing and shouts of “whoop! You’ve listened to all the songs a billion times; what you’re paying for is time within a confined space with the superhuman cultural behemoth that created it, for them to do with you what they will, like some kind of new-song-fixated Christian Grey.

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With great relief we read, “And such were some of you.” What changed to turn these sinners who would have no part in God’s kingdom into members of the early church?

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