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But what matters isn't what Scott doesn't know, but what she thinks she does--that he's African People.
As much as my own limitations allow, I sympathize with race and the constructions of beauty standards, just like I sympathize with race and its effects on the justice system.
Writing about this has helped me get clearer and clearer on this.
An individual, with her own specific hopes, dreams and problems, did those things. But the qualities that allowed her to do those things--compassion, commitment, vision--are not "black" qualities. But we often take this abstract, hazy view of an institution that, like anything else worthwhile, is mostly about dirt, work and tedium.
Relationships are not (anymore, at least) a collectivist act.
They really come down to two individuals doing business in ways that we will never be privy to.
One thing I've come to understand, through my own relationship, is that for people who are really working at commitment, a relationship quickly ceases to be a political statement.
There is certainly part of me that feels my partnership with a black woman says something about me. The problem is that no committed person goes to bed with black spouse or a white spouse.
My position is that for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely to do with the African story in America.